4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize