bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
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