Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Randomize
