You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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