just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
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