one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
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