This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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