You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
The best revenge is premature balding
The beer is more important than you right now.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Randomize
