I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I think I died a long time ago.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
