she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
The beer is more important than you right now.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
