My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
