I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Randomize
