I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
