you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
