Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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