i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize