The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
He felt like a one man threesome
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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