How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
