So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
