one two three fourrrrnication!
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
