WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
