so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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