I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize