White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize