i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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