i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I can't turn off my feet"
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Randomize
