Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
