Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
