Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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