Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
