things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I think I sprained my soul last night
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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