Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
