did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
