Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize