so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
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