He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
