She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
my sisters under your porch take her home
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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