I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
