sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
God I need to hump something, right now.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
