Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Randomize
