Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Randomize
