i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
