I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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