I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Randomize
