you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
