people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
