She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
You're like the curious george of whores
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
