You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
you didnt know i had herpes?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Randomize
