When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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