youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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