why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
