he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
