If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
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