Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
