just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
