Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
