Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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