There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
