It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
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