Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
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