fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
