I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
