please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
