One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
