He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Randomize
