I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
false alarm, still single
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
