I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize