It's like God shit irony all over that family
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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