Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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