I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
