Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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